Being Vulnerable - Oh Boy!

Three things I did today that were hard but that I'm proud of (in a good way):

*Made a conscious choice to not be someone else's Holy Spirit, even though I would so badly like to SPEAK MY MIND on a few things.

*Confessed to the entire youth group that I have been selfish the past six months, and that God has been stripping things off of me and reawakening my heart with his fire. I repented for not praying for them more and told them that my heart is FOR them and that I believe in our generation and in what God is doing among us!

*Admitted to a close friend that her awesomeness in a certain area of life made me feel insecure and has for five years, that I needed more words of affirmation around that subject, and that I need to know she is my cheerleader/believes in me. It was an awkward subject to bring up because: 1) I feel insecure in that area...gasp!, 2) I have felt insecure for 5 years and said nothing, 3) I don't normally feel insecure, 4) I don't normally feel awkward, and 5) I certainly don't ever admit to feeling insecure or awkward, on the rare occasion that I do feel that way. 

Whew...big day in the heart of this revivalist. I'm learning how important vulnerability/transparency is to walking fully in the freedom of God. It is for FREEDOM he has set me free! There are at least 2 or 3 other areas in my life that I'm still wrestling with but I want to be totally honest about so that I can walk in the fullness of all God has for me.

Other things I've done recently is:
1) Go find myself a couple older women mentors. I've been hurt in this area before, and recoiled from ever doing it again, but I realize now that I need these close friendships with older women so that I can learn from them. I can't let what someone else did to me in the past cripple me in this area for the rest of my life!
2) Got inner healing/theophostic prayer for the first time EVER. Never thought I'd see the day...but I'm so determined to be completely whole (from what, you might ask....Answer: Hello...LIFE! Haha....doesn't matter how awesome your family or life has been...things happen that break your trust and hurt you).

So there you have it. On this blog...I have vomited up all sorts of things surrounding arrogance, insecurity, inadequacy, a messy heart (not to mention a messy room), a hurting heart over recent things I've walked through, and who knows what else.

I'm finally admitting to my weaknesses and am on like...the WARPATH to get this taken care of!  I'm determined to be the wholestestest I've EVER been so that the enemy cannot even bring ONE LIE against me. I WILL not remain in a place of non-movement due to a fear of being honest with myself and others about my areas of struggle. I'm determined to be ones of the most honest people that has ever walked this planet.

Full disclosure is part of the healing/awakening process.

May revival begin first in my heart, so that it can spill out onto others.

Amen!